A Failure of Defense
by Rachel Scavo
Summary: Excerpts from the journal of one Hieronymous Grabiner, as he tries, and fails, to protect the hearts of himself and a his student Susan Rose from becoming entangled together. [Grabiner/MC]
1. Chapter 1

_Author notes for the story:_

_This is written as journal entries from Hieronymous Grabiner, a character in the game Magical Diary. He is not the main character of the game, and this journal only has those parts which are related to his interactions in the game. While I believe the story stands on it's own, playing the game on the relevant path will help you understand what exactly has happened in several cases. (If you don't want to buy the game, try reading s/8641048/1/Make-a-Note-of-it as it is a diary-style entry of the same general path from the point of view of the game's main character. Note that it is not precisely the same path.)_

_Hieronymous Grabiner is a very intelligent man, of landed nobility, who was educated by tutors primarily. He maintains his journal in a style influenced by this; notably he uses it to practice the precise courtesy of the correct forms of formal address. On the other hand, he occasionally writes in a stream-of-consciousness style, and uses his journal as a chance for introspection and speaking what he would not admit to anyone else. Including, in some cases, himself. He is usually terse, recording only enough for his own memory, but it is not just a record of what he did, sometimes it is of why he did it, or how he felt, or a way to find those out._

* * *

_Sunday, September 1, 2013_

The school year is once again starting. While I make no claims to not enjoy imparting knowledge and wisdom to my students, this time of year is not my favorite. In a few months we will have separated the wheat from the chaff, but for now the new students are running around like mindless idiots. One managed to run into me; a Miss Susan Rose. I applied the appropriate demerits and threats, and have therefore started the the winnowing.


	2. Chapter 2

_Saturday, September 7, 2013_

And so the winnowing continues. How students manage to get detention the first week of school always surprises me. Only one managed it of the freshmen this year; the younger brother of Mr. Danson. I had hoped for better, given the family. At least I was spared the routine of pulling some lazy wildseed from their bunk.

* * *

_Author's note: Yes, it would nearly always be wildseeds; those who have magical parents would have been warned, and their parents can yell at them._


	3. Chapter 3

_Monday, September 9, 2013_

Well, at least there is some will and spirit in this freshman class; I can't recall the last time one has decided to exempt themselves from that deplorable freshman hazing 'initiation' ritual. The same Miss Rose that ran into me a bit over a week ago, in fact. Perhaps she has decided to apply herself after all; she was also in my class, sporting a brand-new pair of magical spectacles to aid that endeavor.


	4. Chapter 4

_Saturday, September 14, 2013_

It appears the young Mr. Danson intends to serve detention every weekend, at least if a pattern can be extrapolated from two points.


	5. Chapter 5

_Wednesday, September 18, 2013_

It appears the students this year believe that 'sports' is an activity they want to peruse. Of course, the fact that the club was spearheaded by Miss Danson probably helped; I have yet to see any member of that family who could not convince the rest of the world to follow them if they wanted to lead. The mischievous younger Mr. Danson also spearheaded a club; the chorale. His voice was not unpleasant; perhaps the club can provide a better outlet for his energy.

* * *

_Author's notes: Anyone else notice in the game that the Danson siblings have a lot of leadership positions?_


	6. Chapter 6

_Saturday, September 21, 2013_

My surmise on Mr. Danson's intentions to serve continual detentions appears to be correct. I do note that his pranks — at least so far — have been harmless, and designed to be such. Perhaps he is just trying to differentiate himself from his siblings.

I do wish he'd pick a way to do so that did not consume my weekends.


	7. Chapter 7

_Thursday, September 26, 2013_

The yearly study session had a better than average attendance this year. They are of course hesitant around me, though not impossibly so. I attempted to instill a bit of backbone.

Mr. Danson decided to use this as his opportunity to get detention for the week, but was able to do so without significantly disrupting the class.

I am a bit worried about Miss Rose; aside from the first week, she has been attending my Blue magic class every day, and when I called on her today she suggested using it to manage the effect I had asked for. It was suitable, but I fear she is to fixated on one facet of the magic she is here to study.


	8. Chapter 8

_Friday September 27, 2013_

The first examination of the year. We had the normal rate of students who had managed to be completely unprepared, and the normal rate of total imbeciles.

In an addendum to yesterday's entry, Miss Rose attempted to teleport herself out of the dungeon using, predictably, Blue magic. Whether that was because it was the only tool she had available or simply because she thought it the best option, I'm not sure.

I do hate having to repair that wall over and over again though.

* * *

_Author's notes: The real reason Professor Grabiner hates it when you blast the wall revealed!_


	9. Chapter 9

_Saturday, September 28, 2013_

Perhaps I should only note if the younger Mr. Danson manages to stay out of detention instead.

* * *

_Author's notes: /snark_


	10. Chapter 10

_Friday, October 4, 2013_

It appears my worries about Miss Rose were misplaced; apparently she is just doing intensive study courses in each discipline instead of flitting from one to another; After a day of absence from classes, she appeared in my Red magic course all week.

I find myself approving; she would be able to learn well enough either way, but I believe this method will give her a better understanding of how each discipline works — even if it doesn't mean she will learn more spells.


	11. Chapter 11

_Saturday October 5, 2013_

I am not sure whether to be aggravated or thankful to Mr. Danson's need to create a reputation for himself; He kept me from having to chaperone Cider Day this year. Depending on the students, this can either be a bother or one of the last pleasant fall weekends away from the school proper.


	12. Chapter 12

_Monday October 7, 2013_

I have been assigned to aid Miss Rose as her campaign manager for a run for treasurer. Apparently, she has managed to shed herself of the demerits I gave her the first day.

This meant I got to wake her this morning to give her the required paperwork, and met with her after school. Apparently she is a friend of Miss Danson; the elder Mr. Danson had been convinced to take my place as campaign manager.

Miss Rose turned him down, and managed to flatter me in the process. I will admit it wasn't unwelcome, and that it impressed me with her ability to stand on her own. I know most would have been run over by the unstoppable Danson personalities, and she managed to hold off two of them.

She then managed to listen to my advice; a Star Wars reference would not have played well among the more magically reared here. I do think she was surprised I understood it. Do I really look that old already? Even a pureblooded mage is raised at least partially in the mundane world, and all three of the original trilogy had been made before I was born. I will admit I had not heard of the prequels until a few years ago, but I respected and admired Obi-wan, and pretended to play with lightsabers as a child, when I could. A Jedi would have been acceptable substitute to being a mage.

And, of course, the music is magnificent.

Her replacement idea wasn't as original, but I believe Miss Rose was trying to play the safe course.

* * *

_Author's Notes: I have set this story in the current year, as it's the closest year where the dates line up. Grabiner is 30 years old in this story, which means he must have been born in April or later, if he is being literal with the above._

_He was raised in a combination of a mundane and magical household - he would have known about magic, but actually lived in the mundane world. No child of the 80's would possibly have been able to be totally ignorant of Star Wars._


	13. Chapter 13

_Wednesday, October 9, 2013_

Well, it appears Miss Rose is at least serious about her campaign. She managed a lineup at her booth; I believe she was giving out hugs. The students appear to at least be remembering her name.


	14. Chapter 14

_Friday, October 11, 2013_

Miss Rose was successful, though I'm not sure she fully understood the duties she was requesting to be given to her. From what little I've seen of the Freshmen so far, I approve. Her opponent was running on charisma alone, and had no real desire to fulfill the duties as far as I can tell. Miss Rose at least took the idea that the position of treasurer is a serious position, even if she had not read the material on what it entailed.


	15. Chapter 15

_Sunday, October 13, 2013_

Warden Potsdam informs me that there was an argument in the sports club over whether magic would be allowed during games. I did not observe it, nor did I pry into the principals or the results, but it does raise an interesting point.

There are but a couple of magical 'sports' of any sorts, nearly all of them one-on-one toned down versions of dueling. The mundane world has a far vaster number of activities, many of which require some levels of cooperation among teams to succeed. Could those be adapted to magical play? Or would it be best to play them as-is? Many would discard them entirely as coming from a mundane source, but perhaps they could be useful in some form; the study of magic tends to produce loners and outcasts, people for whom even fitting in with each other can be difficult. Opportunities to cooperate might help people to learn to work better together.

I will observe how this progresses.

* * *

_Author's Note: I struggled with how to refer to Professor Potsdam in this story: I can't imagine Grabiner calling her the same thing the students call her, and yet he was definitely using formal forms of address in his writing. 'Headmaster' would be odd, and felt overdone. 'Warden' is another archaic name for the head of a school, and fits with how I have decided to envision this school has come to be._

_Grabiner starts to show that he is actually interested in the lives of his students, and how best to teach them. He's always shown to care more than he admits, and here in his journal, he can show some of that without fear._


	16. Chapter 16

_Friday, October 25, 2013_

It appears Miss Rose has moved on to her next field of study; I did not see her at all this week until the examination today. A bit of a shame; I find her questions and insights in class help to keep the rest of the class attentive.

She managed to fail the examination, though she was doing fairly well I thought at the beginning. She examined the area carefully, casting several detection spells to learn the area to see if there was anything hidden, then found the bridge provided, and started to push it to the chasm. Unfortunately for her, she ran out of magic before she could push it across, and it was designed to be to heavy to push by hand.

At that point apparently she got desperate. She called up a wind at her back, and tried to jump the abyss. I had to rescue her before she seriously hurt herself. She was unable to provide a coherent explanation, and she had endangered her life. Young Mr. Danson will have company in detention tomorrow.

* * *

_Author's Notes: I bugged me that you can't get partial credit on this exam; it's easily possible to realize what needs to be done but to not have the ability to do it._


	17. Chapter 17

_Saturday, October 26, 2013_

I finally decided to ask Mr. Danson what it would take to get him from seeking detention every week. His answer was... Fanciful, and proved his intent was to seek detention for it's own sake.

Miss Rose also managed to surprise me. As she'd done moderately well, and her only real failing was to fail to consider her own safety, I gave her what I believed to be an easy task to the point: A summary of a children's book about the dangers of leaping before looking.

She apparently was insulted by this, and feeling that I was treating her childishly, she flippantly suggested that I get it over with by treating her as the child I thought she was, and actually spanking her. Pressed on the issue, she appeared to find it preferable to what I had asked, if only slightly.

I acquiesced. Not with my hand, of course, or anything as coarse as a ruler. The point, after all, was to make the idea that magic can be dangerous, so applying magic to the purpose appeared acceptable.

I believe the lesson will stick with her.

* * *

_Author's notes: I'm sorry, I always find this particular side-path amusing. It also manages to give Grabiner and the MC another interaction, and thus another journal entry here._


	18. Chapter 18

_Sunday, October 27, 2013_

Apparently I have not scared Miss Rose off. She came to speak to me today about the Dark Dance; I forget that Wildseeds have not heard of the event. Given the penalties for over-inquisitiveness, perhaps we should warn them.

Of course, the warning would just plant the idea to use Spirit Sight if they have not thought of it themselves, and it is one of the first spells learnt. Given the rarity of mishaps, maybe Warden Potsdam's policy is best.

In any event, I did warn Miss Rose. I know she is imaginative enough to think of it on her own, and inquisitive enough that she might use it without thought. Hopefully she will head my warning.

* * *

_Author's note: Grabiner always attempts to maintain a unified front on discipline with his boss, is public at least. He can disagree privately, however._


	19. Chapter 19

_Thursday, October 31, 2013_

The Dark Dance. I go, as I must, and I dance, but I cannot help but think of Violet, and how she loved this night. And how her last 'dance' held pain and not joy. I dance for her memory, but not in joy of it, but to keep the spirits away. To renew the pact between human and Otherworld, that keeps us all safe.

At least there is no class tomorrow. This night always brings the grief to close to the surface.

There were no incidents.

* * *

_Author's note: The image of Professor Grabiner dancing dutifully and solemnly in the dark sticks with me._


	20. Chapter 20

_Monday, November 4, 2013_

Miss Rose surprised me with her comment on the reasons for Warden Potsdam's behavior. I find myself amused.

The candles she ordered are basic, but should sell well, and are well suited to conveying their scent. I may buy a few, just to support the fund-raiser, and to bring in a bit of the Yuletide spirit to my rooms over the holidays. I decorate little enough; these will not be amiss.

* * *

_Author's note: For reference, she order green, pine-scented, tea-lights._


	21. Chapter 21

_Saturday, November 16, 2013_

It seems young Mr. Danson managed to rope Miss Rose into his detention scheme this week. I hope this does not set precedent on him extending that influence upon others. Still, from what Warden Potsdam told me, the main reason Miss Rose got involved at all was because Mr. Danson decided to warn her first, so she would not get hurt.

Miss Rose appears to have abandoned her study courses. The last couple of weeks she has dedicated herself to improving her mind and body, with only one actual magic lesson each week. So far she has seen fit to grace my two courses. As I remembered, her presence seemed to help the class as a whole.


	22. Chapter 22

_Friday, November 22, 2013_

The students put on an acceptable production of Medea. It's not the Royal Company, but they are earnest, and it shows an interest in the classics. I enjoyed myself. It is nice to be able to relax once in a while, even if there are still students all around.

Sometimes I think they manage to not even notice me, if I am not in my normal 'teaching' garb. I was given a seat just behind Miss Rose and Miss Middleton, and they showed no signs of noticing my presence. Amusing to think that I can terrify them so much during the day, but they can still ignore me if they have no reason to think of me being there.

* * *

_Author's notes: Of course he goes to the theater._


	23. Chapter 23

_Saturday, November 23, 2013_

I am afraid I imposed on Miss Rose terribly today. She was manning the candle booth, and I was supposed to supervise. I must have over-emphasized to her not to disturb me if she did not need to: I got engrossed in my book, and only noticed the time when the mall lights were turned down, hours after we were supposed to go back to the school.

I took her to the Glen, as both an apology and a restorative, as she had nearly fainted. She asked what I had been reading, and I believe I must have snapped at her; her reactions were as if I had slapped her for talking. To her credit, she rallied, but the minutia of obscure fossils must have been a bit out of her range for small-talk. A pity, really. She showed signs that she could be an interesting conversationalist, if there were topics we could share.

She had also done a good job at the booth, though I did not discover that until I got back to the school and tallied up the receipts. Altogether, it was a very shameful presentation on my part.


	24. Chapter 24

_Thursday, November 28, 2013_

I find myself at loose ends. This American 'Thanksgiving' is a time for family or friends, and I am estranged from my only family, nor would I consider myself to have many friends. Warden Potsdam led a feast for those who had stayed over for the holiday, but I never feel that I fit in well there. For one, they are American, and I am not. This is their holiday, not mine. For another, they are students, and I am their professor. So is Warden Potsdam, but she is not the face of discipline for this institution.

In past years, I have had no problem retreating to my rooms and reading. Somehow, that is not enough right now. I am disturbed, and I do not know why.

Perhaps lesson plans will be a better subject of interest.


	25. Chapter 25

_Monday, December 2, 2013_

I had an interesting confrontation with Miss Middleton after the examinations today; apparently she felt that my failing her for solving the problem without resort to magic was unfair. Her arguments were sound, and focused. I have even given some of the same to Warden Potsdam on occasion.

Of course, I did so in private, not in the middle of the hallways with Miss Rose trailing along.

This is Warden Potsdam's school, not mine. She founded it, and has run it for far longer than I have been alive. Long enough that it's original name - the Iris School for Girls - has been forgotten by most. The tests are to see if the student can come up with an imaginative use of magic to solve the problem in front of them. Not using magic is a failure in that. I have contended that the failure in that case is the school's, and Miss Middleton appears to feel the same way, but it is not my call.

I will bring it up with Warden Potsdam again tomorrow though. In private.

* * *

_Author's note: A hint that Professor Potsdam's comment of witches being able to extend their lives through green magic applies to her in particular, and a bit of history on the school._

_And he doesn't have to like the rules he is enforcing._


	26. Chapter 26

_Saturday, December 14, 2013_

A weekend, with falling snow, and no reason to go out. If it was not for Mr. Danson and Miss Middleton's detentions, it would be one of the most relaxing days I have had in a while. I would enjoy taking a cup of warm chocolate to my rooms, and sitting back to enjoy the winter scenery. Perhaps light one of those pine-scented tealights, and start to ease myself into a more midwinter mood.

Instead, I have to inform the class treasurers that trips have been canceled, and watch over students who break rules for what they believe to be good reasons. Mr. Danson is no threat - this is obviously his way of standing out from the crowd, and if people started to emulate him he would soon discard it. And Miss Middleton has a legitimate complaint. I would send them away if I could, but I cannot.

Miss Rose managed to raise the issue of Secret Santas to me; I had forgotten that Warden Potsdam had done that again this year. Well, at least I will not be troubled by attempts of 'clever' students to use the classrooms to deliver their gifts. Or, for that matter, by the inevitable gifts gone wrong messing up the concentration of the students.

Still, Miss Rose's point was well-taken: If this school starts a project like that, then prevents it's own students from fulfilling the obligations it has given them, then it is the school's problem, not the student's. I will remind Warden Potsdam of this.


	27. Chapter 27

_Thursday, December 19, 2013_

The chorale club's concert was well done, and they sang beautifully. It was nice to see the younger Mr. Danson in some role other than that of troublemaker. I could wish for more classical music, but I suppose carols are classical in their own way. Many of the tunes we use to sing them today were originally written by the masters, after all.


	28. Chapter 28

_Friday, December 20, 2013_

Father's man sent a package today. It was not directly from him, nor was it strictly a letter, so I was not obliged to burn it on sight. Besides, I had been warned and informed of what was coming, and it was something I welcomed: A manus, which has been in the family's service for some time. It will prove useful and interesting to research, I am sure.

I also had a rather unsettling experience at Warden Potsdam's annual Christmas presentation. She used the 'Acknowledged Thought' spell, asking all present to think of someone who mattered to them.

As always on such occasions, I thought of Violet. It is safe, and it means little as she can no longer think of me, but it keeps her memory alive, and it means that no one will get the wrong idea by an inadvertent thought.

Except that this year I did get a acknowledgment back, and I realized that though I had meant to think of Violet, another's memory had intruded.

I was startled enough to break contact quickly, so there may have been no harm done on the other end, but for my own peace of mind I had to return to that thought when I had the chance.

In looking back on these entries, it becomes obvious that I have paid more attention than average to Miss Rose. She is nothing like my Violet, but she has the same spirit, the same desire to learn, explore, and overcome at all costs. The same need to rush into danger, and to support her friends. I have called her impetuous, spirited, intelligent, all qualities I admired in Violet. I look forward to having her in my class, and I am sorry that I am not able to engage her in conversation. I appear to respect and encourage her opinion.

She is short and stocky, while my Violet was tall and willowy. Her hair is cropped close, nearly shaved (and, well, violet in color), while Violet luxuriated in her long blonde tresses. She is dark while Violet was fair. The one physical similarity they share is those amber eyes. That, and the shy but firm smile.

And the unsettling thing is that I have noticed all of the above. I should not be able to recite the color of one of my female student's eyes, nor should I be able to call up the image of her smile to my mind at a moment's notice.

She is not my Violet, and when I think on them it is easy to separate the differences. But she is not unlike Violet either, in many important ways. The surface is different, but the core... Is similar.

So, I find myself attracted to a student, for all the wrong reasons and in all the wrong ways. It is no more than that, just attraction, natural and as inevitable as breathing. And no easier to control. But in both cases the first step in controlling it is to be aware of it. I have been attracted to students before; I am human, after all. I can shut it down, I need make no sign. She shows no attraction to me, and soon enough we will go our separate ways.

* * *

_Author's Notes: In some ways, I wrote backwards from this scene. Professor Grabiner definitely thinks of the MC here, but we are not told why in-game. The other main option was that he tried to think of everyone, so that any student who sought him out would not feel left out, but it is possible to not have him think of you._

_In many ways, this choice in the game decides which path you are on for the rest of the game; I felt it appropriate for it to be an epiphany point for the professor as well. On the other hand, attraction to intelligent, charming, persons of the appropriate gender is not something I think a healthy person can prevent in themselves - they can only chose how and if to act upon that attraction._

_I was wondering how to get the manus into his hands, when in my playthrough I got to the scene where he gets a box. It's the subtle things that make a good game._


	29. Chapter 29

_Monday, December 29, 2013_

I have uncovered an interesting ritual that is possible with the manus - it will take some time to assemble all the components, and it will be best performed in a larger room than my own, on the night of a waining quarter moon, but I believe it could be worth the dangers. I will start the preparations.

I also realized that I was burning the pine tea-lights because they reminded me of Miss Rose. She after all was the one who requested that design, helped make them, and sold them. I even took her out for refreshments afterwards, to a popular location for romantic encounters. Exactly how chaste I was acting at that moment is an open question.

I have put them away.


	30. Chapter 30

_Friday, January 10, 2013_

Today was Miss Rose's first class with me of the new year; she appears to have decided to focus entirely on studying the history and culture of the magical world, only coming to classes on Friday.

And so far, only then to one of mine.

I treated her as any other student. I will admit to being impressed by how well she handled the examination today though; she cast exactly two spells, once to discover a place to put a threat, and a second time to remove the hodag we had placed with her into that place, where it would not be able to reach her again. She was one of very few students who managed to get through without any injuries.

Only in these pages will I say that I was relieved at that.

* * *

_Author's note: I have been to the Home of the Hodag. It was fun to see it here._


	31. Chapter 31

_Sunday, January 12, 2013_

The sports club played a modified version of football - or as these Americans call it, 'soccer' - today, which allowed magic. It was interesting to watch. It definitely changed the game, and I think the students had fun.

I had not realized Miss Rose was in the sports club however. If I had known... It might have been better to stay away.


	32. Chapter 32

_Monday, January 20, 2014_

I have received the last of the components I need to try the power-sharing ritual with the manus. The timing couldn't be better: Friday night is the third-quarter moon, so I will have the weekend to recover and explore. I have already gotten Warden Potsdam's permission to use rooms in the school, so there is nothing to worry about there. I spent the day in preparations - anything that could be done ahead of time, while I am not distracted by students and classes.

* * *

_Author's Note: Yes, I checked a lunar calender to see if there was a good reason to do a ritual that night._


	33. Chapter 33

_Saturday, January 25, 2014_

Enough has happened this day that I do not know where to begin. Perhaps it is best to simply follow the hours themselves.

Midnight, I had finished drawing the diagrams, laying the implements, and cast the spell. Unfortunately, either there was something I missed, did not understand, or went wrong. The power was shared, yes, but only one way - the manus could feed on my power.

He was constrained not to harm me, and I was within wards that prevented him from touching or leaving me, so all he could do was keep me drained and powerless. I faded in and out of consciousness for hours.

I know it was hours, because I finally woke when the manus found new prey, prey he was not constrained to keep safe. The room I had used was the treasurer's room for the Freshmen - I had planned to set out the mail when I was done.

What I woke to was the sight of Miss Rose's face, as she held me, and to Warden Potsdam's voice declaring Miss Rose to be of the house of Grabiner. As I reclaimed my wits and rose to my feet, she declared the child was my affianced bride, whom I was to mary this day.

She could have said I was adopting the child.

I had no choice. I swore that it was true, to save this impetuous child's life, and before the manus could go back to draining me, I dismissed the spell, and the manus.

I threw a fit. I called her an imbecile — unfortunately or fortunately both of them took it that I was yelling at Miss Rose, not Warden Potsdam. Then I did yell at Miss Rose, telling her not to meddle beyond her ken.

Warden Potsdam dismissed me, and took Miss Rose away to explain. Myself, tired and sore, I went to my rooms, and prepared for my wedding. We needed a witness; I found the Freshman class President, explained the situation, and convinced her to come. I pulled out my best robes, as nothing less would suit, even for this wedding of necessity.

I wish I knew what Warden Potsdam said to Miss Rose. She - Warden Potsdam - appeared to treat this whole thing as some romantic fairy story.

I think she forgets exactly how much age differences matter between 16 and 30. To her, both are unspeakably young, hardly worth considering the difference. And, back when she was a child, it was not usual for girls of that age to marry men of mine. But that was centuries ago, and times have changed. It is unusual now. And those scant few years matter, and matter much.

Miss Cochran understood better, I think, and I hope she is able to help support Miss Rose in the future.

The vows - from her, kindness and courage. From me, wisdom and protection. I think none should be hard to meet.

Warden Potsdam seemed to want me to kiss the bride. For a multitude of reasons, I could not think that was a good idea. I begged off, claiming that I could not reach across the social gulf between Professor and Student.

In the exhaustion and stress, I admit all my social graces seemed to have left me. I think I misworded my excuse to keep from forcing Miss Rose - no, in here I will use her real name. Mrs. Grabiner - no, that is worse. Susan. Yes, that will do. - To keep from forcing Susan to kiss me. I tried to make light of the situation, reminding my new bride that it was only for a short period, but that came out wrong as well.

I retreated to my role as her Professor and protector, reminding her that this was a marriage in name only, and that I would not treat her any differently because of it, then gave a warning to keep it secret, for both our sakes.

I terrified her.

I made my escape as soon as I could, and collapsed on my bed, barely able to take off my robes.

I was ready to sleep straight through to monday, but I could not find rest immediately.

Miss Susan Rose - a girl who reminds me, in heart and spirit, if not mind and body, more of my Violet than anyone has in years, is my wife. She is too young, she is terrified of me, and I cannot let it become anything more than a marriage in name, but legally, and magically, she is bound to me, and I to her.

I'm not sure my programme of avoiding her is going to be possible at this point.

I am not now, nor have I been, in love with her. But, in another time and place, I would not have been unwilling to explore the possibility that I could become so. This is not that time and place. Here and now, I must make sure that cannot happen, for both our sakes.

* * *

_Author's Notes: I obviously had to say more than 'a failed ritual'. I am pleased with this solution._

_There is much I could comment on this chapter. I will leave it by saying some of the mistakes he makes could only be made in that fashion by a tired, over-literal thinker who has retreated from people into books and words. If you compare his version of the scenes to the version in the game, they match only in a dictionary._

_I want to see the scene where Professor Grabiner asks Minnie to be the witness at his wedding - It couldn't have been Potsdam who asked, she was with the MC. It has to have been Grabiner._

_I think Potsdam's actions in the game make much more sense if you think of her as several hundred years old. To her, Grabiner is still a child as well._

_BTW: The only ritual I could find quickly that mentions as manus is the old Roman manus marriage._


	34. Chapter 34

_Monday, January 27, 2014_

For the thought of what the look on his face will be, and because it is necessary, I sent a letter to my father proclaiming my recent nuptials. I gave no details - except her age and antecedents. He will recognize the impropriety of it, and I relish the thought of him imagining the scandal.


	35. Chapter 35

_Tuesday, January 28, 2014_

Susan broke her routine. I assume she was resting yesterday, or crying her heart out into her pillow while her roommates were at class. Today, she showed up in my class.

She has a new accoutrement: A wand, with a star at the end. It is cute, actually, and I recognize that it is a better wand than the plainer one in the local store.

Of course, she had trouble paying attention to the lesson. And I had to maintain my normal discipline. At least, I hope it was normal. I too was unable to consider this a normal experience.


	36. Chapter 36

_Saturday, February 1, 2014_

I had business with the freshman class treasurer this morning. Routine matters, pricing of the Valentine's Day card sales.

Of course, since the freshman class treasurer is my wife, Susan, it was not that simple.

She had good questions, about her responsibilities, about my responsibilities, about what she could tell her friends and her relatives. I answered as best I could. I told her I would have to hold her personally responsible if knowledge of this... I want to call it 'matter', but that is avoiding it, even in my own journal. This marriage. If knowledge of this marriage got out, I would have to hold her responsible.

After all, only three other people at this school know about it - Myself, Warden Potsdam, and Miss Cochran, the most responsible acquaintance of hers that I could find at short notice.

Apparently there are rumors anyway, although they have no connection to either of us.

In other developments, apparently the younger Mr. Danson has found something better to do with his weekends than sit in a room with me watching over him. I fully expect it to be temporary at this point, but I hope it holds.


	37. Chapter 37

_Friday, February 7, 2014_

Susan is back to her regular schedule, though she has had more to deal with yet this week. Her roommate, Miss Danson, came down with a severe illness. I left the details to Warden Potsdam, but apparently she is more susceptible to certain forms of diseases because of something that happened early in her childhood.

The poor child has enough on her plate at the moment.

Today was also examinations. Warden Potsdam insisted on preparing the dungeons this time, which I was glad of until I saw what she had done.

Each student faced an illusionary copy of my manus. It could not hurt them, or even react other than to chase them around the dungeon, but at least a few recognized what type of threat it could be.

One, of course, was Susan. She apparently also recognized that the illusion was a copy of my manus: She attempted to dismiss it, in the name of 'Susan of the House of Grabiner'.

When it didn't react, she thought to check if it was an illusion. The relief on her face when she realized it was not truly there was palatable.

Warden Potsdam will hear about this. My wife or not, Susan did not deserve to be scared like that, again.

Her strategy otherwise was fairly crude, although it is probable that her current course of study has limited the number of spells she has learned. I find that I cannot blame her: If we had aided her with this course of study the way we aid her with direct magical study, she might have the knowledge she needs and has needed to play the role she has been forced into.


	38. Chapter 38

_Saturday, February 8, 2014_

Warden Potsdam's sense of justice is a bit absurd. I am forced to sit in detention over Miss Danson, because she was to ill to take her examination.


	39. Chapter 39

_Friday, February 14, 2014_

I suppose I should have expected this. My wife sent me a Valentine's Day card. She was, after all, manning the booth to sell them, and I suppose she thinks it was appropriate. At least she indicated nothing more than an offer of friendship.

Appropriate or not, it is not something I believe I can encourage.

I am placing it within the covers of 'Daphnis and Chloe' by Longus for safekeeping.

* * *

_Author's Note: When Hieronymous Grabiner reads romance novels, he reads them in the original Greek._


	40. Chapter 40

_Monday, February 24, 2014_

We had the annual Honor Society presentation today. It was routine, even with the special award. I must admit I am not sure it was fully merited - as a theory, it is certainly viable, but I would like to see some proof that it is not just fanciful thinking.

The one thing that did strike home was Warden Potsdam's speech, or one line of it at least. About not crushing other people's dreams.

I have no idea what Susan's dreams were and are, but I am certain that becoming married to the most feared Professor at her school was not a part of them. I hope they have not been crushed utterly, and that she will be able to recover from this. I see no reason why she should not, but I know better than to speculate without evidence.

Which explains my reservations about Miss Kirsch's award.


	41. Chapter 41

_Friday, February 28, 2014_

I managed to get ill myself, and had to skip teaching class for the day.

Warden Potsdam sent Susan to care for me, or to at least bring me soup. I suppose she wished to not have to face my personal wards and guardians again - which include the manus. Susan, as my wife, did not even notice them. It was a good practical choice.

I still detect a schemer.

For once however, I believe I managed to say what I meant. That I appreciated Susan's efforts, and that I wished they were not required. She did not flee in fear, at least.

I am not sure that is wise, but I refuse to terrorize a child for simply trying to aid another human being.

* * *

_Author's Notes: A logical reason why the MC should be bringing Grabiner soup._


	42. Chapter 42

_Tuesday, March 4, 2014_

I ran into Susan in the library, after hours, today. It surprised me, until I realized that today was the day of the pancake supper, and as a married woman she cannot attend. So here is one thing at least that I have taken from her: A night with her friends.

I was returning a book, and she tried to show interest. I insulted her needlessly again, but I think I managed to apologize. I had not meant to insult her, I was simply stating facts, but I still need to work on my social graces.


	43. Chapter 43

_Saturday, March 8, 2014_

My father found a way to get back at me. He sent a package addressed to 'Mrs. Grabiner', and I am glad that Susan and no other found it at least. It would have been awkward to explain.

She opened the package, but left alone the present. I will not say luckily - I believe there was no luck involved, and that Susan is truly learning to look before she leaps. I am proud.

As for the present itself... Either my father is profoundly thoughtless, or he is crueler that I thought. The keys to Ravier cottage? To what he knows to be a sixteen year old Wildseed? After what happened to Violet? Is he insane?

True, it is warded, and he probably reinforced them himself just to be sure. But she cannot and will not be able for some time be able to tell for sure if those wards are holding, and I know to my own heartbreak what can happen if the wards fail around someone innocent and unprepared.

Perhaps all he thought is that in the Otherworld our ages would not matter, and so he is try to support what he views as my decisions. Perhaps he was not actively trying to murder my wife. But I cannot tell for sure, and there is enough bad blood between us…

No, he is not that cruel. I will check the wards at the first opportunity, but I am sure I will find them in perfect order. Making me explain to a new bride how the my previous love died in front of my eyes, that he would do. It would be uncomfortable, unpleasant, and awkward, but no more.


	44. Chapter 44

_Sunday, March 9, 2014_

Ravier cottage's wards had been recently reinforced.


	45. Chapter 45

_Wednesday, March 12, 2014_

I am certain that if this is young Mr. Danson's fault, he did not intend for the fire to get as big or as dangerous as it did. He has never once played a prank that created actual intentional danger to more than the dignity of those around him. Still, he is the obvious suspect, and his pranks have gotten out of hand on occasion.

He also claims he had nothing to do with it, which I am inclined to believe. He also has never been shy about claiming his due responsibility, even shielding those around him from retribution if possible.

Unfortunately, it is not unthinkable for him to change tactics now: This was quite a bit more out of hand than most, and seriously threatened several lives. If he is found culpable, than he faces more than just detention, he may face expulsion, with all that implies. The one he can live with, even be proud of, but the other is another matter altogether.


	46. Chapter 46

_Thursday, March 13, 2014_

There is more to this story than we have been told, but I am willing to accept the evidence at the moment. We have an accident, and a completely unintentional fire. And it was not the young Mr. Danson's fault.


	47. Chapter 47

_Friday, March 14, 2014_

I will admit I am proud of my wife; she found a way to deal with her opponent in the examination today without risk or harm to either herself or the opponent. Her opening of the door at the end was still a bit crude, but it was effective.


	48. Chapter 48

_Wednesday, March 19, 2014_

In some things, I find myself in awe of Warden Potsdam's superior experience. I will admit I have always tried to give Mr. Ramsey the benefit of the doubt, but the worst of the insinuations, and worse yet, were proven true last night. He tried to claim the soul of another student. He was rejected, and Warden Potsdam arrived in plenty of time to prevent further damage. As well as to expel Mr. Ramsey.

Unfortunately, not in enough time to capture him, or worse.

We will both be working extra shifts to secure the wards to prevent him from making a return.


	49. Chapter 49

_Friday, March 21, 2014_

Too much flash over substance in this play for me, but the drama club did produce an excellent performance.

My wife was there as well. I did not manage to sit behind her this time around, for which I am grateful, in a fashion. The urge to eavesdrop would have been neigh overwhelming.


	50. Chapter 50

_Saturday, March 29, 2014_

In reading back over my entries here, I was struck by a recent change. 'Susan' has become 'my wife', as if that title suited her. I have always tried to use the proper forms of address here, if no where else, and I admit I have no 'proper' form of address for this young woman.

And I realize I am no longer thinking of her as a 'girl', either.

She has managed to earn my respect, through her actions and integrity. She is still impetuous, but she has learned to temper it with wisdom and knowledge, and has sought knowledge so that she may do so. My mind has, on occasion, speculated on what I should do if she should desire to extend our marriage contract beyond the year and a day.

I find the prospect does not horrify me.


	51. Chapter 51

_Tuesday, April 1, 2014_

I had another discussion with my wife today; the instigator was to make sure she was aware of her duties in the Thunder Dance, day or night.

She felt free enough to joke with me, and I managed not to snipe at her accidentally in return. She asked for more information on the ritual, as I expected, and about what I did over the recent vacation, which I did not.

I managed to make her laugh, and then the topic turned to her own vacation. I was informed she did not enjoy it as much as she had hoped, and I thought to inform her, or remind her at least, that she has the option of staying at the school if she wishes it.

Apparently Warden Potsdam had made a similar, or perhaps stronger offer. Knowing Warden Potsdam, and watching the play of expressions on my wife's face, I suspect there was an ulterior motive to that. I refuse to dignify that meddling with a response, and the question at hand is what is best for Susan, whether she is my wife or not.

At the end, I may have revealed more than I wished. If so, it appears my wife can read me better than I would have expected of a woman her age. But then, I do underestimate her on occasion.


	52. Chapter 52

_Sunday, April 6, 2014_

My wife came to me of her own accord, with a problem today. She was worried about the interactions between Miss Cochran and Mr. Katsura. Once she described the situation to me, it did sound like more than the run of the mill secondary school romance nonsense.

In fact, it may even help explain what has remained mysterious about the fire several weeks ago: It was started on the door of the room of Mr. Katsura's rival for Miss Cochran's affections, Mr. Blaising. If so, that is a very serious charge, making the fire not only intentional, but harmful in intent.

As for why she sought out me in preference to Warden Potsdam for this, it appears that my wife trusts me, at least when it comes to protecting others, and by implication, herself.

I found myself unable to stand on formality between us, and invited her to use my name when we are alone. Nor did she object when I used a more familiar form of her name to address her.

This is not part of my plan of separation, but we have interacted and shared to many secrets for me to be fully comfortable in the role of distant guardian. We can at least be friends.


	53. Chapter 53

_Monday, April 7, 2014_

I believe I have made a mistake.

The secret is out, and I, as I said I would, held my wife personally responsible. Even when she thought I was coming to rescue her, even when she told me, in more terror than I saw on her face than when she faced the manus, that she was innocent, I called her a liar, and I promised to lock her up and make her disappear.

Anyone else here, the worst they can expect is to be expelled, but that is not possible for her. It had not come up; why should it? She is a star student, even if she only attends a single magic lesson a week. She has, or nearly has, learned everything our limited library can teach her about the society and culture of magicians, as well as the complete description, strengths, and weaknesses of any Otherworld creature. Many of our graduating seniors are not as well-informed. She may not have the skills to put that knowledge to use yet, but she has proven herself resourceful when needed, and is intelligent enough to realize that having the skills without the knowledge is useless, while the knowledge without the skills might still have use.

Nor has she gotten into trouble - she has nearly maxed her merits as well.

In my anger and my rage, I managed to completely forget that this young woman was as vulnerable or more so to shame and ridicule of this getting out. I heard the accusations being flung that she was sleeping with me to get her grades, and I forgot that they were at that moment being flung at her, not me.

So I threatened the woman who just yesterday told me she trusted me to protect her with dungeons and torture. Without thinking about what I knew of her.

It was not until Miss Cochran admitted that she was the one that leaked the information, that my anger could be abated.

Nor did that anger turn on Miss Cochran. It simply vanished, to be replaced with regret.

No one appears to know where my wife is at the moment; even her roommates out searching the grounds for her. As for myself, I have better tools at my disposal, particularly for finding a member of my household, but I respect that what she needs now above all is a place where she does not have to face the multitude. I have my rooms, and the authority of a Professor to protect them, but she has only the privacy of a common dorm. I will not pierce her subterfuge tonight.


	54. Chapter 54

_Tuesday, April 8, 2014_

I made the apology first thing in the morning, while she was still in her dorm. For a moment, I finally saw her in a situation where she was unable to process what she was to do next. She rallied then, and made a comment that cut to the bone with it's accuracy: That I should listen to her. I believe I stammered something incoherent about being used to students not telling the truth, but that I should know better in her case.

I then stated that I would take the burden of explaining and controlling the student body. It was no less than I should have done at the start.

She has also apparently changed her study pattern again: I saw her in my Red magic class, on a Tuesday. Perhaps I was right, and she has found there is no more our library can teach her on her previous study course.

Perhaps that means I will see her more often.

_Tuesday, April 8, 2014 - Second Entry._

After I wrote the above, my wife came to my rooms to talk. I apologized again, and explained that I would not have carried through on my threats of yesterday.

That was not why she had come.

My thoughts on the night of the Honor Society presentation come back to haunt me. Now, I have finally managed to crush her dreams.

Or, perhaps, not me directly. I can hold that salve to my conscious: The crushing blow was not dealt by the marriage itself, or even my threats, but by the knowledge of the marriage becoming public.

For which I had blamed her.

And yet... In this hour of loneliness she had come to me. I saw it all overwhelm her, right in front of me, as I stood there, unhelpful.

I have cultivated my image of a scary disciplinarian, and she came to me because she now found herself scaring her own friends.

And then she accused me of not liking her.

What could I say to that? That I always look forward to it when you are in my class? That I admire you more than nearly anyone I have met in years?

It ended up coming out 'I don't dislike you'. Not only insufficient, but a double negative as well.

She asked for more, and got it. I tried to remind her of her age, and that she should prefer the company of those near it.

She threw back that she had come for my company.

Neither of us knew what to do next, until finally she solved the problem, by asking me if she could visit sometime, socially.

My first impulse was to make the excuse that I was busy, which I am. But... I could not hold it. I invited her to come some time over the weekend.

Which got a smile.

And she finally used my first name.


	55. Chapter 55

_Wednesday, April 9, 2014_

We finally had a Thunder Dance. I stood, as always, on the sidelines, but I had someone to watch this night: My wife.

I think she enjoyed herself.


	56. Chapter 56

_Saturday, April 12, 2014_

She came. We sparred for a moment, and I asked if she knew now why I cultivated the fear of the student body. As I had hoped, she understood.

And as I suspected she might, she probed further. I offered the full truth about the threats I had made. That they were not completely false, but that I could not resort to them on a whim.

She accepted even that without issue, then, in asking about my hobbies, managed to surprise me with knowledge, or at least experience, that I had thought was precluded from her by her age.

We managed a pleasant discussion of our respective lives, and how they compared, as well as our tastes, and how they fitted.

And they do fit. Not that we agree on everything, but... We suit, I believe.

I no longer know what I hope.


	57. Chapter 57

_Saturday, April 19, 2014_

Apparently my hope to see more of my wife in my classes was in vain; she has spent most of the week working out in the gym. Of course, she still has not fully recovered from what the manus took from her, even after all this time. Perhaps she has decided she needs to rectify that.

I did get a chance to talk to her, expecting it to be completely business about the upcoming fund-raiser, in her role as the freshman class treasurer.

Apparently she wanted more, as she asked if I played music, as well as listened. I admitted to a flute, and she admitted that she had once played the clarinet.

A part of me hoped that she would take last week as a open invitation to come to my rooms again this weekend, but she instead decided to take one of her rare trips to the mall.

And I find that I now am tracking her every move.


	58. Chapter 58

_Friday, April 25, 2014_

I have managed to not track her every move this week, but I am glad that she finally walked into my classroom again.


	59. Chapter 59

_Saturday, April 26, 2014_

Father sent me another letter, and I, as my custom burned it without reading it.

I did manage to do so where she could see me, causing her to compare me to one of my own students.

I found that I shared her amusement at the idea.


	60. Chapter 60

_Tuesday, April 29, 2014_

In the morning I believed she was taking my classes just to see me one last time, as she has made a point of it this aborted last week.

They are not her weakest subjects, nor are they something I think she will need immediately.

Whatever the reason, I am glad of it. I believe I will miss her.

As for her, herself...

In the final exam, apparently she and her roommates felt they were alone and unobserved. So, Miss Danson accused her of harboring some attraction for me.

She... Did not deny it. She claimed no more than friendship, but admitted admiration for me.

I felt the most opportunistic voyer.

However, from her friends, she got nothing but support, for whatever she decided.

They followed her plan to get out of there; it was careful and thorough, and it got them out of the dungeon soon enough. I expected nothing less.

And I realize that I have stopped using any name for her in this journal at all. There is apparently only one female I could possibly be talking about.

* * *

_Author's Notes: I love Professor Grabiner snarking himself. And I love even more that it doesn't actually make him change anything._


	61. Chapter 61

_Thursday, May 1, 2014_

She decided not to attend the ball, and instead came to my rooms. I managed to put my foot in my mouth, but we know each other well enough now that I was able to extract it.

Then I informed her that I had heard what she had said to her roommates during the final examination, and that I believed that any connection between us would be inappropriate.

She threw back that, as my wife, a connection between us was entirely appropriate. And then she confirmed what I suspected, that Warden Potsdam was encouraging her to approach this relationship as serious.

She also informed me that she had been told about Violet.

The rest was her opinion. The opinion of an intelligent, well-informed young woman confronting a male acting stupidly. That while I was so worried about making sure I was letting her live her life, I was completely forgetting to live mine. That I sulk, and that I hide from people. She claimed I was just as much a teenager, at least in actions, as she was.

And then she proved to me that she respects what I do know, but that she sees it as having limits. One of which is that I do not understand what she wants with her life.

After which, she offered to help me understand life better.

And then... She claimed love for me.

I did not believe it, I still do not wish to believe it. It is... Something both to wonderful and to horrible to be true.

She did claim that by being with me, she was missing out on one thing.

That she had never been kissed.

I am still not sure what impulse it was that made me grant that request. It was not a lover's kiss. But it was not something you would give a friend, and most certainly not something you would give a student.

After which, I did manage to surprise her. With something that she technically knew, in fact. She had seen my titles. She had just not comprehended what they meant; that I - and therefore she, as my wife - was a noble of high stature.

I judged that was enough for the night, and opined that I would not mind if she were to write me over the summer.

She agreed to write me.


	62. Chapter 62

_Saturday, May 3, 2014_

I decided to take the day go back through this journal, and find every instance that related to her - my wife, Mrs. Susan Rose Grabiner - and see if I could organize my own thoughts and feelings on the matter.

From our first encounter, where she literally ran headlong into me, to our last, where she was able to run me over with her insight and her feelings, this has been a relationship I have struggled to control, and utterly failed to do so.

I have often had power over her, and I have nearly as often used it unwisely, improperly, or just downright poorly.

I have always regretted not telling her things she might need to know.

I have been astounded by her courage, and her willingness to take on costs to herself.

I have apologized more than I would have believed, and less than I have needed to.

I did not start this relationship, nor was I ever the person who pushed it forward. In many cases, my best-meant words were interpreted completely opposite of my intent, through my own clumsiness.

And while I worried about what I felt for her, I forgot to think about what she might feel for me.

These are the things I have learned from our relationship so far.

I am not impetuous enough to claim that I love her. I will leave that type of foolhardy bravery to her, who is so good at it. It has never been my skill, and when I have tried to imitate it, it has twisted in my hand to hurt me, in wounds nearly mortal.

Wounds that have festered to long. Wounds that I think she may be able to heal.

I know she intends to try, and I have learned to underestimate her at my own peril.

So, I will write this to Violet, my long-lost love: A Rose is contesting your sole hold on my heart. She knows you belong there, but she believes that your total dominion is not in my best interest any longer. She has not your beauty, nor your elegance, nor your style...

But she has your will, and your heart, big enough to fit the world inside. I cannot defend your place against her. I have tried, and failed utterly.

As for myself... It has been two days, and I miss my wife.

Perhaps I will write a letter.


End file.
